Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
