Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
