When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
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