it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
