Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Who put my cat in the fridge?
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
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