i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
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