There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
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