I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
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