Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
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