he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
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