I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
We're not piercing ourselves today.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
