I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
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When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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