Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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