My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
