When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Randomize
