Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Randomize
