I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
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