Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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