Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(772): View more from Florida

Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.

Fav 7 4793 1098
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(620): View more from Kansas

He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.

Fav 20 5351 1955
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(619): View more from California

Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.

Fav 10 1522 3203
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(720): View more from Colorado

were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus

Fav 6 2517 1505
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(518): View more from New York

Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.

Fav 13 3653 1623
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(204): View more from Manitoba

We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.

Fav 3 1940 1128
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(626): View more from California

It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.

Fav 5 2256 969
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(229): View more from Georgia

You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?

Fav 1 145 371
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(210): View more from Texas

i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?

Fav 0 63 9
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