neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Randomize