I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
birth control should be required to get into college
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
