Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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