Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
grandma shit on top of the toilet
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
