Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
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