it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
