just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
