just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
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