Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
