I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Randomize
