Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
