i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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