I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Randomize
