Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Randomize
