Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Randomize
