omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
She told me I should be a condom model.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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