Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
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