I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
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Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
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