I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize