my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
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