I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Randomize
