I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize