I can't watch pbs sober anymore
I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
