one might say we're banned from that church
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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