i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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