Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
