i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
Kareoke will never be a sober sport
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Randomize
