But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
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