Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
