soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
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