Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
