Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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