It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
