your room smells of hookers.
And success
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
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