Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
No more Irish car bombs ever.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
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