Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
