I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
Girls should come with a carfax report
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Randomize
