I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
Who wears a wallet chain?!
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
