K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Randomize
