His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
