Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
