I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
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