I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
