put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
