Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Randomize
