I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Randomize
