Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
