well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Randomize
