you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Randomize
