she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
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