And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
